Log in

No account? Create an account

Next Entry

In the last 6 months, my life has done a complete 360 and then back again and still resulted in this twisted perverted version of the original shift.

Lemme' recap a few highlights. I left my boyfriend of five years in June (who I still love very dearly and talk to on a daily basis) because we reached a point in our relationship where violence was constant and in between the short intermittent bursts of bliss we tortured each other emotionally in every way possible. Leaving, despite how logical of a choice it was, was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.

I'd moved to Kansas City in January and discovered a life in me that I didn't know that I had, I became the person I was trying to become, the person in that process of growth I was searching for as I left the oppressive feelings of the middle sized Midwestern city of Topeka behind me.I made friends, the real kind and the fake kind as I stuck to my guns about giving everyone I met the real, unfiltered, hyper rational, socially inept version of me. I learned how to be a friend after reliving some of the same mistakes I made with Victoria last year. I've learned who is a friend to me and the concept of real friendship and family has grown on me and begun to sink in. I've been on my own for so long, taking care of myself and others since I was 16, when no one but Johnny was there for me for years. My own mother incapable of the real love a mother should have for her offspring. I slept around and encouraged Johnny to do the same, it always did bother me how I was the only girl he'd slept with and how he was uninterested in any female who wasn't me with rare exceptions. Of course, I appreciated being told I was beautiful 30 plus times a day and I loved that he honestly thought(thinks) I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. I've never viewed sex and love the way most people do, especially girl people. I've never understood women at all. To me, sex and emotion never intersect. To me, it's an eventual in any relationship that expects to last that the two must have other sexual partner's for variety's sake alone, no matter how good the sex is. That idea worked better on paper than in execution in that relationship. I got better socially.

Shortly after I reached my final breaking point with Johnny, I fell in love with Logan. I have been incredibly fortunate to find true love not once but twice and Logan treats me exceeding well. We work well together and are compatible in ways our friends can never begin to understand. With any new relationship, I don't sleep around, but I hate the idea of my boyfriend only sleeping with me. I love the idea of him fucking other girls, and he has no problem with this. I still get the countless compliments every day and he too honestly thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. It was my previous assumption that 2 crazy people in love would have crazy problems. I was proven wrong. I'm a chaotic person that has loads of adventures. Some people cling to that, use me as a freeing outlet, but most people couldn't handle my freedom long term or constantly. Logan needs it just like I do.

I got pregnant. I'm due in April.

My apartment in Kansas City flooded 3 times because the idiots 2 stories up in the crack apartments I was living in, left their sink running. The ceiling came down in 3 different rooms, and flooded our apartment. We had to haul the carpets and debris out ourselves because the landlord refused to. We moved into Logan's parents' House in Atchison, Ks( a place I used to love to explore before I lived here, it's literally 1/10th the size of Topeka) after the electricity got shut off. Then we got illegally locked out of our apartment in Kansas City the day of the eviction court, broke in and got as much of our stuff out as possible and still lost nearly everything that wasn't already stolen by the time we got there.

I've been in Atchison since September 1st and we're moving back to Kansas City the day after Thanksgiving.

Logan and I decided to get married for financial and legal reasons(I think it's more romantic to stay with someone without a contract, also, atheist here) and because of the child. We wound up having a shotgun wedding ceremony(we were just going to go down to the courthouse because weddings have always seemed a ludicrous waste of money to me) to appease Logan's crazy mother and homicidal grandparents. They paid for everything. We got married at a haunted restaurant in Atchison on October 30th, it was a Halloween themed ceremony and most of the guests were in costume. It was actually fun. The night of the wedding we went to Club Orleans in a direct protest to the typical views of marriage. I love strip clubs and I love buying my guy friends(and husband) boobs and lap dances. And of course also to party. Between dancing the time warp and the Dj(who knows me and my friend Beth) announcing that there are "two sick and twisted individuals here tonight celebrating that the just got married today", despite the fact that we were in a STRIP CLUB we knew at "sick and twisted individuals" he was referring to us.

I'll be working on new photo shoots and photography projects soon with a friwnd's camera.

Logan and I will be going to metropolitan community college in Kansas City in the spring and traveling to New Orleans, Chicago and New York City before the baby is born.

I'm looking forward to new things to come.



Latest Month

May 2013
Powered by LiveJournal.com